September '09
 

Congratulations to my nephew, lil Dan, for being recognized as one of the best ball players in Ontario by being selected to represent that province in their all-star game, as a pitcher/shortstop.
Keep it up. A scholarship is just a seeing-eye ground ball away, and then it's on to the majors. If you can't quite hook up in the majors, that's ok, just go play in Japan, where the scenery is a lot better.

Bravo Dan - we're all proud of you!

 

 

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In other sports news, Caster Semenya, the South African track star, won the Women's 800m at the World Championships last month, and then theInternational Committee for track & field called into question her gender. Never mind steroid testing, they're looking to find out if this women is a lady. The tests are gender tests, their results are still pending, but she has undergone testing that includes DNA chromosomal and hormonal analysis, as well as an exam from an endocrinologist and a psychologist. This is obviously racist and in bad form. One look at her (see picture) and you can clearly see the 'lady only looks like a dude'.

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Dead Celebs:

Michael Jackson - this guy (or whatever) died what seems like a year ago and he's still not quite dead yet. They supposedly buried him yesterday but there's no evidence of this, and for all we know he's hiding out in a village in northern Cambodia and working as a camp counselor for the junior members (12 and under) of the Khmer Rouge.

Ted Kennedy - he died the other day, and in an "everyone loves you when you're dead" moment, democrats & republicans stopped talking politics for one day and rallied around their lost comrade. Kennedy's political legacy is his threat to reform health care. He spent 50 years doing that and never got anything accomplished. Out of 300 million Americans, 50 million are without health insurance. Kennedy himself had private insurance his whole life. He will be best known for an accident at Chappaquiddick, where he lost control of his car and drove off a bridge and into a river, killing his young passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne. Ironically, Kennedy's most recent book, about to be released posthumously, is titled, "True Compass". In the book, he claims he "never had sexual relations with that girl." Wait just a cotton-picking second, that sounds familiar....
Probably the most incredible accomplishment for Ted Kennedy was the fact that he was such a useless beaurocrat that even the lunatic fringe couldn't think of a good enough excuse to kill him.

Jasmine Fiore & Ryan Jenkins - this reality star couple died when Ryan (a Canadian millionaire) killed her, then killed himself in a motel in tin-buk-too British Columbia. I'm not sure if this couple are eligible for the dead celeb of the month list, but what prompted me to include them was how the police identified the remains of Jasmine. It's multiple choice time:

1) DNA
2) dental records
3) fingerprints
3) the bar code on her breast implants

(you get one guess, the other guesses were all wrong)

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Oscar Grant, 22, was fatally shot last New Year's Day by a rogue cop who stopped him at a BART station in Oakland. The cop claims he was attempting to taze him, but pulled out the wrong pig utensil and shot the guy instead. There's nothing funny about that, and the cop is now facing murder charges and I hope he hangs. The funny part is that last week Grant's father filed a million dollar civil lawsuit against the transit agency that employed the cop. Grant's father is serving a life sentence for murder and was convicted just a month after his son was born. Just goes to show you that when opportunity knocks you need to strike while the kettle is hot. The prison only pays him 14 cents an hour for license plate duty and the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are expensive at the prison canteen. You go, girl!

In other morbid East Bay crime news, a triple-slaying suspect robbed a house in Pinole, forgot his cell phone at the scene, then called his own cell phone to find its location, where a cop at the "just-robbed" location answered, and said, "Yo, what up?", wherein the Anthony Ramirez, the bad guy, said, "How'd you find my phone?" The alert cop played the role of slum gangster and offered to return the phone to Ramirez for a price, which was agreed, and they met at a location near where I live, and Ramirez was taken into custody and will probably face spending the rest of his life in the cell right next to a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup fanatic.

This is a funny one. In a slice of life article in the local SF Chronicle, an article that appears every week, the man on the beat reporter asks regular folk on the street questions about their life, and their answers are published. A question asked of one person recently, a 39 year old dude named Jordan Nelson, included "What does getting an education mean to you?", and he answered, "...it's always been on my list of things to do." Good answer.
Multiple choice question time again. Imagine: you're 39, and asked, "What does getting an education mean to you?" and you answer, "It's always been on my list of things to do?" So....what have you been doing for the past 25 years, give or take?

1) knocking up Shy'lawa, Niatasha, Jinwinayaa, and that other chick who's name I can't spell
2) doing time in the pen next to a guy who liked eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
3) working on my GED
4) all of the above

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That's gross.
A recent study by a Conservation Group (PRBO) predicts that the rapidly changing climate conditions will force more adaptation in the bird population (most lethal and permanent) over the next 60 years than it took for the same breadth of adaptive changes that the bird population took to make over tens of thousands of years.

And remember that story shared here many months ago about a floating cesspool of garbage in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? It's known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. In a recent study by the Scripps Institute of Oceanography at UC San Diego, they discovered that the "Garbage Patch" is much bigger and more lethal than earlier believed and that the mass of trash is interacting with the food chain in peculiar ways, including ocean life eating poison plankton, which disrupts functioning of hormones, and creating mutant sea creatures which hitch-hike on the sides of floating water bottles, eventually making their way to coast lines from San Francisco to Wellington, where they interfere with coastal wildlife. It's like a horror movie.
The "Garbage Patch" is about two times the size of Texas, and is trapped, floating around in the North Pacific Gyre, a sort of whirlpool that works with centrifugal force created by water and wind currents, collecting all kinds of stray debris (mostly plastics). Some of the samples of trash collected in the recent study had "Made in the USA" & "Made in China" written on them.
What can you do about this? Probably nothing. You're too small and the problem is too big. The crazy homeless man with the sign was right: the world is coming to an end. So if there's something you want to get done before it's all over, do it now, whether it be learning how to make pottery, jumping out of an airplane with or without a parachute, volunteering with your favourite charity, or just plain fucking a midget, get busy on Craig's list, because there's a waiting list for that last one and there's not much time left.

Meanwhile, enjoy the new video I made, and after watching this, ask yourself, "Does she have to be a midget, or will a MILF/Cougar do?" Maybe it doesn't really matter at the end of the world, says Midevil Punditz.

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Starbucks conversation:

Barista; "HI, WELCOME TO STARBUCKS! HOW ARE YOU?!"
Me: "I'm fine, how are you-"
Barista: "I'M GREAT! IT'S FRIDAY!"

(it was Thursday - even I knew that)

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There isn't any mig-porn video this month. I apologize to my fans of that genre. In it's place I put together a golfing video of me at the course I play, Mira Vista. Enjoy the video. It might need a couple minutes to load, so be patient.

Also, the video is set to one of Radiohead's songs from their newest album, In Rainbows. This is a contemporary classic, so good that the band were giving it away for free on their web site. That's how good it is, you can't put a price on it. If you enjoyed the song and want to see them perform it live in Thom Yorke's basement studio, sans audience, download this copy and enjoy. It's a pristine performance and impressive that this is actually live. It's only 50mb. And if you like it a lot, then either buy the album, download it via torrent, or get it for free elsewhere, the band won't mind, they're already rich and they know it's the end of the world anyway, so they there's not enough time for them to spend all their money.
Also note, if you're wondering what's going on with the singers' eyes, he was in a very bad car accident that should've killed him in his youth. He wrote a song about it called Airbag.

In a fast german car
I'm amazed that I survived
An airbag saved my life