May 2010

Brief story. Beautiful girl. I was surfing through my brother's YouTube page and came across someone who, at the time, was (to me) a completely random person who had left notes on his page. I clicked the person's name and it sent me to her page. I noticed that her 'favourited' videos from YouTube were from bands that I enjoy: Radiohead, Morrissey, The Cure, etc. I then clicked on a link sending me to her personal web site, which was actually a Flicker page. On this page were photographs and a couple videos. I dl'd the videos and took a look. They were in mp4 format, which are decent-enough quality for the internet. They appeared to have been shot with her web cam or a small digital camera. Not perfect, but good enough. I liked the videos, her spirit was cool, so I decided I'd do something with them. And this is what I came up with: a completely random stranger to me, singing a completely random song to her. I enjoyed the video so much I sent her a message asking for approval to post it here, and she got back to me:

i will say
WOW
i was very blown away and i am so very flattered
this took my breath away and i couldn't stop giggling
i really like it
i do

(for the record, you may not be able to understand this file, so please skip if you are unsure. it probably won't make sense to you. however, it is an important file because it shows how the internet can communicate in completely unexpected ways, and, I suppose it has some relevance from strictly a graphics point of view. She's not really singing the song; she's never heard of this song. that is a 'for what it's worth disclaimer', you really gotta be a fan to watch this. personally, I really enjoyed it, but that is because it has meaning to me, but will not have meaning to you.)

So here's June - her name, I later learned, singing & dancing & acting kawaii-crazy to Lykke Li's Dance Dance Dance - Bravo June!

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That was a special thing that lifted my spirits. Two random people on the internet who don't know each other, never will, colliding. I love that. However, there's bad news too. I recently suffered a horrible injury. This next file is not for the casual visitor. If you've come here by accident, you can definitely skip down to the bottom of the page - that's where all the porn is. Instead, this is for family & friends. I can't bring myself to explain this injury to each person for two reasons:

one - I can't keep explaining the same thing over and over again
two - I don't want to hear how sorry you feel for me, and how you recently hurt your foot taking a bad step, so you "really, really know how I must be feeling." (really, you don't)

When I speak of a 'leg cramp' I'm speaking about a leg that is seized up so thoroughly that the leg would not bend. I was in this condition, full throttle, for 13 days without let-up. I couldn't sit, stand or lie down. I spent the whole time standing on one leg, and supported my lower body by lifting myself slightly above the ground by laying my upper body on big, stiff plastic boxes that were mounted in a tower. There were no drugs available to treat the condition, until I finally was able to get a steroid epidural.

So here is an explanation (done my way) of my injury. A couple things to think about before clicking away. First, the beginning was dull, so to keep your attention I composited the extraordinarily beautiful Yua Aida onto the stairs outside my house, and I must say, she was sooooo.....ow distracting, that even I was having a hard time following what I was talking about. Second, the noise you hear in the background during the first couple minutes is construction noise. That construction is taking place next door. Last month was the 3rd year anniversary of the construction noise from next door, so pop open a beer and let's celebrate. It ain't over, ever! Lastly, I'm warning anyone who gives a shit, that this is a somewhat disturbing file. It has it's levity for sure, but it's an ugly-looking mess, so beware. It is all true, and it is all quite scary, but the good news is - I'm going to live, and, it looks like I may even be as good as new, just like Superman. Call it middle-age. I think I'll just call this:

My Herniated Disc

4.20.10 ps. to this file: surgery is scheduled for July 6th - say a prayer to your Buddha

4.29.10 ps.ps. update a couple days later - the surgery has been moved up to May 24th, after I passed the "My Herniated Disc" onto my surgeon. He called me the next day to tell me this couldn't wait until July.

5.02.10 ps.ps.ps. update, once again - the surgery has been moved up to May 10th. There was a cancellation and my surgeon recommended the available slot for me. Thanks, Dr. Gorek.

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Speaking of prayers, how about that volcano? Letterman says the only bigger cloud over Europe is the one over the Pope's head.

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I haven't done a card trick in a long time, so check this out. Funny thing: It's a bottom dealing demo, and during the trick I accidentally dealt two cards off the top to one of the hands. Just goes to support my position that dealing off the bottom is as easy as dealing off the top. If you were taught to deal off the bottom when you first picked up a deck of cards as a child, then that's how you'd be dealing now, and dealing off the top would feel awkward. What makes dealing off the bottom so hard is that you were first taught to deal off the top. It's like trying to learn a second language late in life: if you learned the language at an early age you wouldn't know the difference. Same thing with dealing cards off the bottom. It's as easy as dealing off the top.


Cellar Dwellar - from Darwin Ortiz's Scams & Fantasies

(what, that was boring? I didn't find that boring.)

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True story. I was in Safeway and had just grabbed a cart for shopping. An old man had also grabbed a cart and was moving towards the fruits & veggie section ahead of me. Towards us walked a blind person, the kind with the whole get-up, walking stick and big black glasses, she had was wearing all the trademarks of someone who screams: I am blind! The old man proceeds to walk his cart right into the blind lady, knocks her down, she goes tumbling down, her blind-stick flies like a pole vault (FORE) through the air, and she lands on a big stack of Ritz cracker boxes up for sale, and down they all go, together, and now she's lying there looking pathetic and hopeless, with Ritz cracker boxes lying all over the place. The old man (the villain) stands there as if nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, what does the blind lady do? - she apologizes to the world she can't see. "Sorry! Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" (true fucking story - I thought I was in a nightmare)

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Asshole of the Month Award goes to Billy Payne, Chairman of Augusta National and the Masters golf tournament, for ripping on Tiger, saying, "It's not simply the degree of his conduct that is so egregious here. It is the fact he disappointed all of us and more importantly our kids and grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations as a role model that we sought for our children."

Let me get this straight. The Headmaster of Augusta National, one of the most racist/sexist golf courses in US history is giving ethics lessons to Tiger(?), who's only failure is he likes to bang bimbos! For the record, Augusta is a secret society golf course with only 300 privileged members, none of them are women, because women are not welcome (GOLF - Gentleman Only, Ladies Forbidden - no joke). Augusta admitted their first black member in the 1990 after the PGA told Shoal Creek CC - a PGA venue - that if they wanted to host an event they would have to allow black members. If it weren't for the new policy of the PGA, neither Shoal Creek or Augusta would have a black member. Furthermore, it took until 1975 for the Masters to allow a black player (Lee Elder) to participate in the tournament! Additionally, up until 1982 (repeat: 1982), all the caddies in the event had to be black! Only after 1982 were the players allowed to bring their own caddies, white, black, or yellow.

Wut da fuk! Where's the next space ship to Mars, I want a ticket!, get me off this planet!
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Have you seen the show "V"? There's something strangely sexy about their leader Anna. She looks like an alien-chick, and those are the best kind. One problem with the show, however, is they use a lot of 'green screens', and it's distracting. If you're fan, as I am, check this out: look how sharp the edges of actors are who are on the ship. There is no 'light spill' around their person, and no motion blur. There's also the occasional problem with parallax in backgrounds. Still, good show, check it out.

On the subject of TV, have you ever seen the show Intervention? Pretty good show. It won an emmy. But I have one question: if a team of people show up to your door, and you're a junkie, alcoholic, or purger, and they ask if they can do a 'documentary' about your problem, wouldn't it occur to you by now that by the end of the show someone's going to drag you to a hotel room where you'll find all your dysfunctional blood relatives who'll want to send you to re-hab? I mean, com'mon...

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Here's a cool link for you. Let's say you want a particular song, but don't want to buy the whole CD, what should you do? Here's what you do: go to FilesTube and enter the name of the song into their search engine, and then click a link, and you'll arrive at another page that'll make you wait a whole 10 seconds before providing you with a link to the song, wherein you click the link after the ungodly wait, and the song will dl into your default dl folder. Try it, it's free and legal.

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Wow, there sure is a lot crap on this page. I'm amazed you got all the way down here. We can't possibly be related, you and I. My kin has the attention span of an acorn.

Doesn't anyone notice that the world is super-pissed off at us, and it's saying, "Your ass is gas, mother__%*#ckers! You are going down!" Earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, hurricanes, floods, war, crime, poverty, recessions, oil spills, Oreo cookies & now, home-grown Jihadist terrorists. We are beyond fucked. You know that.
Ok, so I'm reading the news on Facebook and see all my suburban friends (I love them), and they're trading the links, it's all about the love, and I'm like, "fuck, I suck at this stuff. all I can think of is horror and madness and calamity...I'm a downer; I'm the guy who goes to a party and can stop a group conversation in its tracks. I need to pick up my own spirits and spread some love to all my friends." So I decide to do something nice on Facebook, but what's 'nice' for me when I'm coo-coo for cocopuffs; I put together a typical mig-style file, upload it to my own site, and post the link - so here's we all go, right? I dunno.

gotdonk?

(uh, not sure how well that went over. personally, I've never seen an ass - or hips - that move quite like that.)

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btw, there is a new link way up there somewhere called gogo girls.Those files are the most popular files on this site, and they were getting lost in a stack of monthly archives, so I decided to collect all the links and put them on one page. I'd been meaning to do it for months, but just around to it while high on dilaudid. So there you go, no more searching for performance art- I mean porn... at migrogers, it's now easier to find than ever. You can't miss it.

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Now, finally, we get to the really good part: the porn! I promised. This file is sublime, probably one of the best things on this site and better than any schlock you're ever going to find on YouTube. (Seriously, this is getting good.) Warning tho: if you find toothpaste & icing-covered cupcakes dirty, then you shouldn't watch this. You're going to hell, you know you are, so live a little.

The song I used is a NIN song and is considered by many to be one of the best rock songs ever written. Enjoy! And thanks for visiting!

Phatty Maria and friends...